If real life was like a cartoon, and you could actually see my pain, you would run from me, screaming. My spine would be snapped in half, the ends sticking crudely out of the middle of my back like the broken branches of an old tree. You’d see the rusty nails which have been driven into my shoulder blades and the barbed wire wrapped tightly around my rib cage, compressing my lungs. But you can’t see my pain, because I have what’s known as an ‘invisible’ illness.
Ankylosing spondylitis an inflammatory spinal arthritis which affects around 200,000 people in the UK. There is no cure. I look fine on the outside; on the inside I’m falling to pieces. My ability to undertake the simplest tasks, the ones which most of us take for granted, is ever-decreasing. I am permanently exhausted, and sick of being sick.
Just over a decade ago I had a bright future ahead of me as a sports journalist. I'd just bought my first home, in Brighton. I had big plans, but two chronic, debilitating illnesses were taking hold. On top of the ankylosing spondylitis I had ulcerative colitis. One minute I was covering a story from the Monaco Grand Prix, the next I was in hospital having life-saving surgery. I went from being fit, active and ambitious to a virtual recluse, barely able to get out of bed unaided. Then things got a little better – better enough for me to go to Las Vegas, fall in love with a man who had his name tattooed on his knuckles, almost get married and be on the verge of spending the rest of my days in a Florida trailer park. Then I came to my senses, and married someone else. Even the route to that was bonkers. Whichever way you look at it, my life has been pretty nuts.
This is an inspiring story of courage, determination, acceptance, love and above all else, hope. It is told with brutal honesty, and is as funny as it is harrowing, a bit like watching alternating clips from and 'The Hangover' and 'Schindler’s List' on a loop. Oh, and the chapter titles happen to be my favourite songs. Just so you know.
About the Author
Juliette Wills was born in Orpington, Kent in 1972, with a hole in her heart and no sense of direction: she was back-to-front and upside down, and took 36 hours to find her way out. When Juliette underwent heart surgery at four years-old, her determined nature was already a force to be reckoned with (she had required eight times the normal dose of pre-op meds - about the same amount you’d give a horse), so it’s no surprise that she grew up to be fiercely ambitious.
Aged 19, she flew off to America for an adventure with a complete stranger she met through a personal ad, and upon her arrival back in London, she set about forging a career as a football journalist – her dream job. What she lacked in A-Levels and a degree she more than made up for in enthusiasm and promise, landing a job on a football magazine where she played cupid in the romance of a Spice Girl called Victoria, and a young footballer called David Beckham.
In 1999, Loaded magazine spotted Juliette’s potential and sent her to report on the Grand Prix season. Her take on events was unique, and her career blossomed. A column in The Guardian newspaper followed.
Tragically, in that same year, Juliette’s world was turned upside down when she was diagnosed with a chronic and debilitating illness called Ulcerative Colitis. By 2001 she had undergone life-saving surgery to remove her bowel. The Ankylosing Spondylitis was also taking hold. Juliette was in such excruciating pain that she could barely walk. Her career as a journalist, and life as she knew it, came to an abrupt halt.
Whilst advances in medicine mean that Juliette has ‘OK days’ now and again, for the most part AS leaves her isolated, in excruciating pain, frustrated and permanently exhausted.
Juliette lives in Brighton with her husband, Gautier, their cat, Squeaky, and piles of random stuff in boxes waiting to go on ebay. |
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