Conflict in marriage, says Dr. Greg Smalley, is actually a good thing. In fact, marriages and individual spouses can’t grow without it.

     Conflict, Dr. Smalley teaches, is not really driven by the issues we argue about (money, sex, in-laws, work, kids); but is frequently driven by fear. The fear of being disrespected or taken for granted, the fear of powerlessness, of not being listened to or valued, and the fear of rejection or being inadequate. What assuages these fears, he says, are things like intimacy, respect, validation, love, and connection. 

      Poorly managed conflict, Dr. Smalley states, is always “buried alive” and festers until it becomes a much bigger problem. In the end, buried issues end up exploding like a massive volcano, leaving spouses and family members in the wake of destruction. Dr. Smalley shows readers how to fight in a way that leads to deeper levels of intimacy.